You will be shocked by
Emma's Story
Emma is a victim of domestic violence by her ex-husband. She calls herself a survivor because she is incredibly brave, but there is no question she is the victim of cruel physical and emotional torment, and of further abuse by the Family Court and NSW police officers.
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Emma's abuser used the system to take her daughter away from her, because her daughter was the thing Emma loved most in the world.
Sadly, Emma's story is just one of many. The abuse of women by police officers is so prevalent that a lawyer is considering taking out a class action lawsuit against the NSW Police on behalf of women.
Emma is a victim of extreme physical and emotional abuse by her ex-husband. She was hospitalized several times and on one occasion a nurse ordered him out of the room because she could Emma's heart rate rose to dangerous levels when he was in her room.
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After Emma left, and he was unable to hurt her any more, he used the system to take Emma's daughter away from her, because her daughter was the thing she loved most in the world. In the process he has caused irreparable and lifelong damage to his own daughter.
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Emma has not seen her daughter for over 6 years, since she was 12-years-old. On that basis alone the NSW police should be obligated to conduct a thorough investigation to determine who is responsible.
Emma is a victim of abuse by NSW Police officers. They refused to investigate her police report, telling her to investigate it herself.
When she got the evidence a domestic violence liaison officer violated procedure and an officer was so openly hostile towards her that she was forced to flee a police station in fear.
She lodged complaints with senior NSW police officers, but they ignored her, threatened her, and then weaponized their powers to come to her home repeatedly and harass her.
Emma is a victim of abuse by a Family Court judge, who held a hearing even though she had not been notified about it. She lodged a complaint with the Chief Justice of the Family court but he ignored her.
Emma is a victim of abuse by a Family Court psychologist who ordered her to have counseling based solely upon her ex-husband’s word, without ever having met Emma.
Emma is a victim of abuse by other officers of the Family Court, who believed her ex-husband’s many lies, and unfairly treated her as a vexatious mother, when she was not.
Emma's Story
Writing my story has been gut wrenching, it has forced me to relive the most painful period of my life, perpetrated by my ex-husband, who promised to love & protect me.
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Abusers are so conflicted internally, they think nothing about causing unimaginable pain to the people they are supposed to love the most, just to feed their own needs, it is the ultimate selfishness.
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Abusers are practiced liars, they have no problem telling lies, so they control the narrative. Other people find it difficult to believe that anybody could be so conniving and so callous, which is one of the reasons why abusers get away with abuse.
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Victims of abuse find it difficult to tell their story, they come across as being erratic or unstable, but that is because they are emotionally exhausted.
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Hopefully my story will shine a light, so that others can begin to understand what an abuser looks like, and how abusive the NSW Police and the Family Court can be.
How I lost my voice
Many of us have done something in our personal lives that we are ashamed of, something we would rather keep secret. I felt ashamed and stupid that I allowed myself to be abused by my ex-husband, so I told nobody, I even lied to myself.​
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From the outside it can seem unfathomable why someone stays in an abusive relationship, why don't they just leave? But victims stay trapped for many reasons. If you are familiar with the "Boiling Frog” analogy, then that goes some way towards describing why in my case I stayed in the relationship and kept silent for so long.
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My abuser can be charming, witty and fun to be around, and this is the side he projects publicly, it was how he behaved when we first met. The abuse started with an occasional derogatory comment, and over time it slowly escalated from there. Little by little the insults and humiliation increased, when I called him on it he would turn it into a joke and tell me that I was being oversensitive; it was my fault!
As time goes by and the abuse increases, you keep adjusting. Each time you make an excuse your boundaries shift a little more for what you feel is acceptable. At some point you have been making excuses so often that you believe they are true. When you hear that it is your fault often enough, you find yourself believing it.
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By the time things reached boiling point, I was stuck, broken, depleted, feeling ashamed and stupid that I had allowed myself to be abused for so long.
When I was hospitalized, a nurse asked me if I was being abused
On one occasion I was admitted to hospital because of serious heart palpitations that were caused by the abuse. When my abuser came into the hospital room my heart rate soared to dangerous levels and the nurse told him to leave.
After he left, the nurse asked if he was abusing me, and I said yes. When I reported this to the police they refused to interview the nurse, they refused to even get the hospital records, they told me to do it myself.
Finding the strength to leave​
I knew that I had to get out because I did not want my daughter to grow up believing this was a normal, healthy relationship. It wasn’t just the times that he would fly into a rage, pushing me around, or standing over me and screaming while I cowered submissively, or when he would throw things at me, or break the things I cherished, it was also the belittling and the ridiculing that happened every day.
It took me a few months to build up the courage, but eventually I did.
On the day I told my abuser that I wanted a divorce he said nothing, he just turned and walked away. I was relieved because I thought he would lose his temper and become violent.
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About two hours later I got a call from my dad, who lived an hour’s drive away. My dad told me that my abuser had showed up on his doorstep and insisted that he shared a champagne toast with him to the future.
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To a normal person this just seems weird, but talk to someone who has been in an abusive relationship and they will tell you that this kind of erratic behaviour is normal.
Abusers are practiced liars
My abuser is controlling, manipulative and a practiced liar. Like most abusers, he knows when to put on the charm and how to hide his true self. Since I had lost my voice, then he was left unchecked to fill the vacuum with lies and to create his own narrative about our relationship, and it was a narrative that benefited him and persecuted me.
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The crazy thing is that my abuser's lies are mostly fanciful, they have no credibility and they do not stand up to any close scrutiny. I have dozens of court documents where my abuser has lied to the judge.
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He makes up whatever story will best suit his purposes and his actions almost never match his words. I have spoken with other victims of domestic violence and they tell me that they went through the exact same thing.​
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Other people find it difficult to believe that anybody could be so conniving and so callous, which is one of the reasons why abusers get away with their abuse.
My abuser was addicted to heroin and contracted hepatitis C from a shared needle
After we were married I found a doctor’s report that my abuser had hepatitis C. I asked him about it and he admitted that he had been addicted to heroin and had caught it from using a shared needle.
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He assured me it was in his past and I believed him. We took steps to ensure I was not infected, such as not sharing toothbrushes or razors.
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I did not tell our daughter about his drug addiction or that he had hepatitis C, because I did not want her to think less of her father. However, when our daughter was 12-years-old, she told me she was using his razor to shave her legs.
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I was terrified, and when I asked my abuser about it he told me his hepatitis had been cured. I did not trust that he was telling the truth, so I asked him if I could see the medical report, for my own peace of mind, but he refused. For him it was just another opportunity to cause me more torment.
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I reported this to the police, to get them to check whether he was cured but they refused. I also made a report to child services but they refused to do anything either.
My abuser used our 6-year-old daughter to try and get us back together
When I left my abuser he was livid with anger and I knew he would not stop until I was either back under his control or had been completely destroyed. He manipulated our 6-year-old daughter to try and get me to take him back.
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My daughter told me about the plan, she was very excited because she desperately wanted us to get back together, and she thought it was a big game.
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She told me that he wanted to get back together with me, and she was helping him. She said the plan was for her to leave things that she needed for school at his place, and when she was at my place she would call him to bring over what it was she needed.
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When he came over, I would meet him at the door and tell him to drop whatever it was off, but he would push past me and force his way in. I would tell him not to come in but he just ignored me and there was nothing I could do because I did not want to make a scene in front of my daughter.
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A close friend of mine was there at the time my daughter told me. He was appalled that any father could be so reckless with his daughter's emotional well-being.
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She may have thought it was a game but it was not, and no responsible parent would risk their daughter's long term emotional well-being so recklessly, for their own selfish reasons.
NSW police refused to investigate my abuser for stalking
My solicitor explained to me that this was an out and out case of stalking. It was no different to a crazed fan who unlawfully enters a celebrity's home because they falsely believe that they are in a loving relationship with the celebrity.
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My abuser manipulated our six-year-old daughter, using her to come to my home uninvited and force his way in, for the purpose of a relationship that did not exist. This was text-book stalking.
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I have two witnesses that are prepared to testify about this but the police have refused to interview either of them.​​
Abuse by Family Court judge, psychologist and other court officials
Note: Emma took her abuser to the Family Court to stop him from damaging his relationship with their daughter. She did not do it for him, she did it for their daughter, so that she had a strong relationship with her father.
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After the divorce we had shared custody, and my abuser refused to sign parenting orders. He would regularly cancel his time with our daughter at the last minute, which would break her heart.
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So I took him to Family Court and told him he could not see our daughter until he had signed the parenting orders and stopped hurting her by cancelling at the last minute.
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The parenting orders had already been drafted, but it took him over 6 months to sign them, he could and should have done it within a week.
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I did not take Family Court action to stop my abuser from seeing our daughter, it was the opposite. I did it to ensure he had a strong relationship with her, so that he kept his word and stopped breaking her heart.
Family Court officials falsely accused me of being a vexatious mother
During the Family Court hearings my abuser painted me out to be a vexatious mother, who was abusing the system to stop him from seeing his daughter.
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All of the Family Court officers I dealt with believed him, and they treated me with disdain. Until the final hearing when the judge asked me what custody arrangements I wanted.
I told the judge I wanted a 50/50 shared custody arrangement, because I wanted our daughter to have a strong and healthy relationship with her father.
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The silence was deafening as everyone in the courtroom realized that I had been telling the truth all along. My abuser exposed his lies by admitting that he did not want the responsibility of shared custody, he only wanted visitation rights.
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He lied to the court for 6 months so he could portray me as the villain, rather than signing the parenting orders so he could spend time with his daughter.
My abuser falsely claimed that our daughter & I were mentally unstable
During the Family Court hearings my abuser told a psychologist that our daughter and I were both mentally unstable. In response, the psychologist sent me court orders stating that we both had to have an appointment with her.
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I wrote back and told the psychologist that she had no right to make any diagnosis since she had never met either our daughter or me, she had no other clinical report, and she was only basing her recommendation on my abuser’s word.
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I told the psychologist that if I heard from her again then I would lodge a complaint against her to professional standards. She never contacted me again, but I wonder how many others she has forced into unnecessary counselling.
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After the Family Court matter was finalized my abuser never mentioned our daughter’s mental well-being again, it was just another ploy to harass me. To a rational person it is unfathomable how a father could bring into question his daughter’s mental health just to punish her mother.
The Family Court only notified me about a hearing, after it had been held
I was notified about a Family Court hearing at 1pm, in relation to a hearing that had already been heard at 10am that morning.
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I lodged a complaint with the Chief Justice of the Family Court but he did not even respond. It is difficult to imagine a more staggering or blatant instance of injustice, but I have spoken to many others who have suffered similar injustices at the Family Court.
My abuser took advantage of my father’s passing to alienate me from our daughter
Following the Family Court hearings, there was a period of stability for a few years. During this time, interactions with my abuser were limited to emails, albeit abusive ones, but I was able to ignore them.
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The stability was shattered when my dad passed away; my world was broken, he was my rock and my best friend. While he was alive my abuser would not dare make contact with my family.
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My parents had a troubled marriage, and due to the close bond I had with my dad, I had a troubled relationship with my mum. When I was 19-years-old my parents separated, and my mother told me to tell my father that she would commit suicide if he did not come home.
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When I came back without him she kicked me out of the house.
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They eventually got back together but my relationship with my mother was never the same. My abuser knew that I was not close to my mum, and after dad died he took advantage of the void to drive a wedge and isolate me from my mother. ​​
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The day after my father’s passing I called my mother to ask about the funeral arrangements, and whether I could have some of his things to remember him.
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To my astonishment, she told me there would not be a funeral, and she, along with my sister, were throwing away his things, selling his car and they were buying new cars for themselves. I was shocked by the depth of my mother’s and sister’s animosity towards my father.
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My daughter was grappling with the loss of her pop, and in an effort to shield her, I decided it would not be healthy for her to be around such toxicity while she went through the grieving process.
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I told my daughter that she would not be able to see her grandma for a while. I did not tell her the true reason, simply explaining that grandma was too upset about poppy passing away. My abuser seized this opportunity to manipulate our daughter and turn her against me.
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Not long after, my daughter returned from her father’s place visibly upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she revealed that her father had offered her a trip to Canada if she left me and lived with him full time.
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When I asked my daughter if she wanted to live with her father full time, she broke into tears, insisting that she would never leave me. However, over the next few weeks I sensed the pressure mounting, until she eventually made the heartbreaking choice to live with him full time.
It shattered me that my daughter chose a trip to Canada over staying with me, but she was only 12-years-old at the time, she did not fully grasp the implications.
But I knew what was happening. My abuser did not want full custody, he said so in Family Court. He wanted to attack me and since I was no longer under his control, then separating me from my daughter was his only way of doing so.
That was over 6 years ago, and I have not seen my daughter since.
My abuser should be charged for parental alienation
Note: The undeniable fact is that Emma has not seen her daughter for over 6 years, since she was 12-years-old. On that basis alone the NSW police should be obligated to conduct a thorough investigation to determine who is responsible.
As well as stalking, my abuser should also be charged for parental alienation (coercive control), because he used a trip to Canada to entice our daughter to leave me and live with him full time, and he has manipulated her into not seeing me for over 6 years, since she was 12-years-old.
He testified to the Family Court that he would do what he could to make sure that I maintained a relationship with my daughter, but he has done nothing, he admitted as much in writing. I took the evidence to the NSW police but they ignored it.
My abuser alienated me from our daughter to hurt me because I was no longer under his control, but in the process he has caused immeasurable pain and suffering to our daughter.
My mother and sister should also be charged for parental alienation
Not long after our daughter decided to live with her father full time I received an email that he had “overturned” my decision for our daughter to not see her grandmother.
He did not care that I made the decision to protect our daughter, he saw it as an opportunity to ingratiate himself with my mother, and she saw it as an opportunity to see my daughter, despite my objections.
My sister, who, aside from family get-togethers, had never spent any time with my daughter, also sided with my abuser and began regularly catching up with her.
I tried everything I could to reconnect with my daughter. She refused to answer the phone, but would send me insulting text messages that I suspected were coming from my abuser. I wrote to my mother, I wrote to my sister, I wrote to my abuser. I tried to be friendly, I threatened going to the police, but nothing worked.
A close friend suggested that I try to build a relationship with my mother, on its own, without any hidden agenda. So I called her every day and caught up with her twice a week.
Every time we spoke she would tell me about the time she spent with my daughter, completely oblivious to the fact that it was a dagger to my heart. My friend kept reminding me that I had to put those feelings aside, and stay focused on trying to build a relationship with my mother.
After about a year of trying to rebuild the relationship with my mother she told me that my sister had said “I could reunite Emma and her daughter as easily as that” as she snapped her fingers.
It was a devastating thing to hear, and I believe that both my mother and sister should also be charged by the NSW police for colluding with my abuser to keep me separated from my daughter.
NSW police hostility
When I reported my abuser to the NSW police I met with a Domestic Violence Liaison Officer (DVLO), she refused to carry out an investigation, she told me to do it myself, which I did.
After I got the evidence I contacted the DVLO and she told me that I should attend a police station to make another report. This was a violation of the NSW police domestic violence procedure, because the DVLO is supposed to pass victims onto other officers to ensure they are treated with respect.
When I attended a police station to make another report, I was taken alone into an office by an officer who was so hostile towards me that I fled the station in fear. I was so shaken that I needed to sit on the steps outside, because I was incapable of walking just a few metres to the seats nearby.
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A senior officer told me this was all captured on CCTV footage, but when I made an official request, another senior officer refused to release the footage.
​It is incomprehensible that a DVLO would refuse to investigate a police report, or follow the correct procedure. I lodged a complaint with senior police but they did nothing. What is the point of having rules if the police don't have to follow them? ​
​NSW police threats & harassment
When the NSW police were told that their misconduct would be publicized, a police inspector threatened criminal charges against anyone who publicized the police conduct.
Why did the Inspector make the threat? What was he trying to cover up? If the police did nothing wrong, then why would a senior officer be so concerned about the police conduct being made public?
Chillingly, just four days after I wrote to confirm that I would publicize the police abuse, they took out a baseless ADVO to protect my abuser.
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The police then used the ADVO to come to my home repeatedly to "check compliance". A solicitor told me that this is a common tactic the police use when they want to harass someone.
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It was a shock to discover that the police have tactics to harass members of the public and they are prepared to waste valuable resources harassing innocent victims, but they will not even investigate the abusers.
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The Law Society of NSW questioned then NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller about the legality of these compliance checks, but they advised that he did not respond.​
​NSW police reuse to even investigate my complaint
I lodged an official complaint with the NSW police but a professional standards officer refused to even investigate it. I also wrote to the two superintendents who oversaw the officers who abused me, they too should be held to account.
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Fortunately my interactions with the NSW police are conclusively documented, and I will keep fighting for justice, until the officers involved are all held to account and my abuser answers to the courts.
Emma
Thank you for reading my story